what are words..

assalamualaikum.

it's been ages since i last updated my blog. i do have lots of thoughts in my mind but i dont know why i was so lazy to write things down here. but here i am. still, i dont know how am going to do this. i think i just lost my ability to meluahkan perasaan. because i dont know. for the past two years (kot) i think i've been trying to teach myself to you know, control my anger, and try as hard not to speak whenever i'm mad or dissatisfied with others. this was because i admit that i have a "super celupar mulut". seriously people. for those who've known me for years and were quite close to me you know how celupar or laser i was. or maybe still am, but lesser. i've been trying hard to control my words. so whenever i get mad or anything, twitter would be my place to marah2 and stuff. i rarely use facebook but recently i did. and my lovely friends who were so concerned about me tegur. alahai.. sumpa sikit pon x terasa ke ape because i know what i said was wrong, but i just couldnt help myself.. instead, i felt so terharu because they still care about me.. :') but actually i had this one big trouble regarding my past... xperlu tahu lah kot apa masalahnya. sbb dah bgg sgt dah and that person ada kt facebook so tulis ah kt ctu.

ok lah senang cerita i've been trying hard to improve myself. u guys might see me as always fine, ok je, senyum sana sini, gelak sana sini. but believe me, u guys dont know what's inside my heart. well, i dont expect you guys to figure it out and to be honest, i dont even want people to know. kalau tahu dan paham, baguslah. kalau tak, tak mengapa. i'm fine with it. yang penting Allah tahu. :)


kalau dulu belajar sastera semua orang tahu pasal "konflik dalaman diri watak". of course semua orang pon ada masalah dalam masing2. so korang paham2 sendiri lah. i'm still looking for that something. and yet, that somethig tu pon aku x tahu apa. aahahahahah. =.= ok boleh gelak pulak. so sbnrnya just nak bagitahu. pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee people, kalau ada buat salh dan silap sila tegur saya. dan pleaseeee tegur dgn cara baik? jgn attack. jgn kasar2, jgn buat saya sentap please. sy sensitif tawwwww.. (euuuwwwww. tp serius ah.)


and please, bak kata org kampung pisang

"sometimes we can never learn from mistakes of other people untill we ourselves made that mistake and experience the consequences by ourselves"

yelah bukan nak kata biarlah nak buat apa pon tapi still, kadang2 tu kesilapan tu yang mengajar. let me do my mistakes and pleaseeee people just pray so that i learn my lessons. :)

p/s: x tahu apa yang aku merepek sbnrnya but still thanks for reading. and ada je bende2 yg korang boleh paham yg aku cuba nak smpaikan kt cni. guess i'll be rajin again to conteng2 here :)

Difference between want and need

It's been a while since i last updated. Well lots of things happened. Of course but lets put it aside.

Now i want to write this as a reminder to my ownself. And maybe any reader can take some benefit from it too.

I dont want to grow up but actually i need to and i have to do so.

So here it goes.

"i've always WANTed to marry a rich and handsome guy. Well who doesnt, right? But the fact is that i dont NEED all that. I only need a man (which is sekufu) who can actually take care of me and treat me as i should be treated, and of course loves me for who i am."

Ok that's all. So im keeping my options open. Because i dont know what will happen in the future. Only Allah knows everything. :)

P/s: isn't it weird that suddenly i was writing about this "stuff"? Ok whatever.

hoyeh2 :)

i'm feeling better

thank you Allah. :)

thanks mak abah :)

thanks to friends yang superb and awesome! hehe

and thanks to "you" jugak la kan.. i'm starting to realise and see things clearly.. :)

i'm D

nuff said..

i'm emotionally sick..

sekaligus membuatkan aku physically sick..

sorry mak abah..

i need time to get through this..

at least i laugh when abah makes his jokes.. :)

and i eat and drink whatever mak prepared.. :)

ya Allah.. hanya pada kau aku berserah..

semua ini takdir kau ya Allah..

ow lupa pulak.

Selamat Menyambut Hari Kemerdekaan ke-53, Malaysia!

zaman sekarang, kita lebih rela mengalah daripada kalah.. fikir2kanlah.

:)

Alhamdulillah

the greatest praise to Allah Subhanahu Wata'ala :)

[22]
Tidak ada sesuatu kesusahan (atau bala bencana) yang ditimpakan di bumi, dan tidak juga yang menimpa diri kamu, melainkan telah sedia ada di dalam Kitab (pengetahuan Kami) sebelum Kami menjadikannya; sesungguhnya mengadakan yang demikian itu adalah mudah bagi Allah.
[23]
(Kamu diberitahu tentang itu) supaya kamu tidak bersedih hati akan apa yang telah luput daripada kamu, dan tidak pula bergembira (secara sombong dan bangga) dengan apa yang diberikan kepada kamu. Dan (ingatlah), Allah tidak suka kepada tiap-tiap orang yang sombong takbur, lagi membanggakan diri.

(alhadid,57, Al-Quran)

i'm officially a 2nd year medical student now :)

restless..

the exam is over. well, for theory part only.

still. i dont feel restless. i dont know how to describe it.

but mummy's words keep on lingering in my mind.

"ingatlah, setiap sesuatu perkara yang berlaku itu, hanya dengan izin ALLAH S.W.T. kita kene redha dan pasrah."

mak, terima kasih. tapi still..

Ya Allah..

nikmatnya exam.

kadang2, aku rasa exam ni best sebenarnya.

sebab bila exam ni aku mendekati Allah dengan sedekat-dekat yang mungkin.

dan setelah anda membaca statement di atas ini. mungkin terdetik di hati anda,

"itulah die, dah nak exam baru nak ingat tuhan. kalau xde exam lupa, leka, enjoy x ingt dunia"

owh mungkin ini juga kata hati aku. aku sedar atas perbuatan aku. walaupun ketika aku leka itu aku lupa, akan tetapi apabila aku duduk sebentar dan bermuhasabah, aku sedar. namun, aku teru-terusan melakukan kesalahan. justeru, terus-terusanlah peringatan yang harus aku terima, tidak kisahlah dalam pelbagai bentuk.

dan kali ini, peringatan itu datang dalam bentuk peperiksaan.

musim, peperiksaan ni. secara jujurnya, aku berasa amat lemah. banyak yang perlu dibaca dan DIHAFAL.

dan atas dasar aku sebagai manusia lemah, pada musim ini, aku semakin kerap memanjatkan doa pada allah. walaupun tercetus jugak rasa malu di hati ini. mana tidaknya, si pelupa di waktu kesenangan ini mahu mencari bantuan Tuhannya dikala kesusahan. namun aku tahu, Allah itu maha pengasih, pemurah, penyayang dan segala kebaikan yang wujud.

justeru dengan rasa rendah diri ku bermohon.

dan aku suka musim peperiksaan ini. sebab aku sedar betapa aku ini tiada kawalan dalam hidupku kerana Allah yang maha berkuasa menentukan segala-galanya. Dialah yang lebih mengetahui.

namun, aku terus menerus memohon yang terbaik buatku dan tidak lupa buat rakan2 seperjuangan.

dan aku suka peperiksaan, sebab pada waktu ini, aku sedar akan kebergantungan aku pada Allah..

terima kasih exam dan paling utama. terima kasih Allah. :)

teruskan tersenyum walau hati tidak tenang, otak makin berserabut. :)

hasbunallah wa ni'mal wakil

changes

hurm. the same title. i've wrote about this on my previous blog. maybe the title will be the same but the contents will be a bit different.

"CHANGE is the only thing that is constant"

i dont know who i should write as the the one who said it because when i googled it, many names appeared. so ignore it. it's the words that matter.

it's obvious right? i mean do i have to explain it to you guys? i dont think so

well, i see many changes happened around me.

mostly about heart and attitude. kalau bab barang2 baru, durhhhhh. like i care. lantak kau la nak beli brg baru ke hape. kalau cantik aku puji. or maybe aku bahan2 gurau ckp "ade org tu shopping woot2."

so yeah, it's good to see people change or should i say, improve their attitude. Alhamdulillah.

hopefully they will be istiqamah. but again, jgn rase bagus sgt eyh, because mmg dah menjadi lumrah ye, iman manusia itu boleh naik dan turun. well, im speaking here as i've been there, done that.

i've changed quite a lot. both in good way n bad way. i know.

nowadays, i hardly gado2 or ganas2, or sound2, or cari2 pasal dgn org tau.. and some more la. x perlu nak brag about it. haaaaa gud tak? teheeee :D

and the bad changes. well, i know this freom friends. this is what people observed from my pictures, and people that i have been hanging around, about me having a boyfriend, the way i dressed up, the way i hang out and treat the opposite sex (especially to those i'm close to). well, feel free to judge me. kalau korang rasa hak menilai dan menghakimi itu ada pada diri kalian. sebabnya ,as far as i concerned, the rights, belongs to only HIM, ALLAH the Almighty. :)

come on la people, i dont mess around with you guys, so stop messing around with me. and the only way to approach me is dgn cara baik n lemah lembut. serius aku suka org baik2 ni. tapi bukan orang yang poyo2 baik. ceewaaahhh aku plak nak classify org kan? takdela. tapi manusia punya naluri. ni semua cuma perasaan aku je. sbb tu kadang2 i randomly go and mengadu or manja2 with people yang tak rapat pon dgn aku tapi aku suka sbb die baik. :) oh, dgn cara bergurau senda dgn aku pon boleh. aku suka orang bergurau. serius aku x amek hati sgt la weyh. takpon korang mcm takut tgk muke aku yang garang ni n cara aku yang agak macho ni. hahahahhahaha ya right. try to know better okayh? i'm just fine. i dont bite. seriously.

and regarding heart. yelah, soal cinta. cinta pon macam iman juga. turun naik. so, paham2 lah. ah malaslah nak cakap pasal cinta ni. mcm geli jek. haha. pandai2 la fikir. Allah bagi kita akal untuk berfikir kan? ha lu pikir la sendiri.

ciao. assalamualaikum. may peace be upon you. :)

p/s : its been a while since i last wrote like this. yelah, looking back at my old blog. i tend to merapu2, talking about things sesuka hati. yalah. blog aku kan. skatilah, haha, gonna do some more update after this. :). i think im in the mood again. im gonna merepek2 here. haha

stalker

aku baru sedar rupe2nye aku ade stalker.

(tak sbnrnye aku dah lame tau)

die sebok je nak amek tau pasal aku.
pasal status facebook aku ditujukan kepada siapa, atau tentang apa.
pasal twitter yang aku tweet ditujukan kepada siapa dan tentang apa.

senang cerita meh aku bgtau kau.

kalau aku nak cari pasal ngan kau aku pegi direct la. sumpah. masalahnya kalau aku nak angin atau memaki hamun tu sekadar perasaan aku yang menjadi manusia biasa ade je rasa tak puas hati tak tentu pasal aku. tapi lepas aku dah maki atau mencarut tu, aku dah x rase pape. aku gelak. sebab aku puas hati. aku dah lepas. walaupun aku sorang je yang tau perkara sebenar atau kepada siapa sebenar2nya ditujukan. kau jangan perasan boleh? kau ingat aku nak sebok ke pasal ko? banyak lagi artis2 yang aku boleh nak sebok. lagi up to date. aku kalau nak amek tau pasal kau, aku tanye direct je. tak perlu orang tgh. member aku yang x berape rapat pon ngan aku, break ngan awek die, aku selambe je g inbox die tanye ape cite. senang. takyah aku nak gossip blakang2. biar die nak kata aku sebok ke ape. at least aku tak bergosip. aku TANYA. tapi aku mmg direct. pegi tanya terus. senang cerita.

dah.

bercakap mengenai stalker. yes, i admit im a big-fat stalker. cuma i'm not big n i'm not fat. i'm just tall n skinny (yes, please be jealous.)and yes, i do stalk. the thing is, your recent activities appeared on my news feed on facebook. and so i explored a lil bit deeper. but then. i just go around and do my thing. i dont do anything about it. its just for fun. dah tu kalo taknak orang tau, private kan semua okayh. kalau aku boleh access just by one click tu mmg untuk tatapan umum la kan. so, sekian mekaseh. :)



bye.

nak exam. nak baca buku. NAK sahaja. belum tentu buat.


ciao.

just know that you are not in these things alone.

"sometimes silence can seem so loud" - r kelly

to some extend, i would say that i'm so use to this "loneliness".

why "loneliness" instead of just loneliness? my point is that, the meaning of the word is ambiguous.
interpret it yourself.

tomorrow is the beginning of the 2nd Internal Assessment with the first paper, ANATOMY. i lie if i say i'm not stress. the pressure is here, there and everywhere.

nak mengadu dekat mak abah, tak mahu risaukan mereka.
nak mengadu dekat alang, kang die kate aku gelabah. *ego sungguh*.
nak mengadu dekat kawan, semua pon dalam situasi yang sama.

maka..

"... Hanya kepada ALLAH aku mengadukan kesusahan dan kesedihanku...." - Yusuf (12): 86

sesungguhnya Dialah sebaik2 sandaran dan sebaik2 penolong.

all the best my friends. just know that you are not in these things alone.

we gotta fight fight fight fight for this exam!

:)

je t'aime

i'm not saying this as if i would like to "sedapkan hati sendiri"

but this is how i feels right now

"one of the most exciting thing about being single is that we will have tonnes of chances to meet someone new and of course, another chance to fall in love again. :) well, you know how good it feels to fall in love right? but it also means that we will also face tonnes of opportunity to be hurt.. but life itself is a risk, so why bother? haha"

all the best to you people who are already in love.. me? i nak pergi memancing kejap~ :)

sakit rumah

anda anda dan anda mungkin memandang saya sebagai seorang yang "cool"

"cool" di sini membawa maksud lepak sahaja tak gelabah, agak heartless, relax2 je..

ah, PLASTIC je sume tu..

but the truth is, I'm damn fragile.. well, at least my heart is..

i just don't know why, but i just cant stop this tears from flowing out of my lacrimal gland..

i miss home so bad.. so bad that i don't even feel like eating.. I've been skipping meals.. not eating for about 2 days just a bite or two of bread n nuttella.. though the "orchestra" was there in my stomach, still i did not have the appetite to eat..

and so bgn2 tido je terus call mak..

bla3... then..

mak: eh kenape cek menangis ni?

me: mak, cek homesick.. rindu rumah.. rindu mak.. sgt2.. isk2..(sambil teresak2)

mak: sabarlah syg.. mmgla rindu bile dah jauh.. mak pon rindu jugak.. dah lame tak tgk anak mak yang sorg ni.. sabar ok? tak lama lagi tu.. banyak2kan doa je.. sabar.. bape bulan je lg before nak balik.. tiket pon dah beli kan.. tinggal nak tggu masa nak balik je.. sabar ok..

pathetic kan aku neh? lembik gile.. korang2 sume tak rase mcm aku? aku sorang je ke? alaaaaaaa.... ye aku sgt manja.. sorry.. aku mmg anak mak n abah.. mengade.. itulah aku.. aku tak pernah rase homesick tahap nak pengsan mcm ni .. maybe sebab nak exam jugak kot.. so aku serabut.. otak kosong.. u people out there, tell me, teach me how to be strong..

ya Allah..

tolonglah kuatkan hati dan semangat aku.. aku tak tawu kenapelah aku lemah sangat..
tapi sedar sememangnya hakikat penciptaan manusia itu lemah.. dan tiada yang lebih kuat dan berkuasa melainkan Allah..

"La hawla wala quwwata illa billaah (There is no might and power but that of Allah)."

so..

yeah, i guess i should live up to my name given by my mother

FARIHAH AZWA

farihah = joyful, happy, glad
azwa = splendour, limelight

therefore.. I AM THE SPLENDOUR OF HAPPINESS.

abah, sorry tak makan nasi dah dua hari dah.. abah slalu pesan makan nasi la at least skali sehari sbb nasi banyak tenaga. cek degil.

mak, sorry sbb nanges lagi.. asyik nanges je.. sian mak risau.



" nothing can bring you peace but yourself" - Ralph Aldo Emerson

and yeah, of course dengan izin Allah.. :)


-w@w@-

bonjour~

ok. lupe nak welcome u ollz~ huhu

i know i just put up the link for this new blog at my facebook page.. and u ollz mesti akan klik punye kan2.. i tau la nyah~ haha

ok. so welcome.

feel free to leave any comment.

nak kutuk ke maki hamn ke puji melambung2 ke ape ke sila2.

mak tak kesah pon nyah~ mak skarang telan je semua.

ok u ollzzz~ i pergi dulu eyh~

i know u love me, x0x0, plastic girl~

mereng dan kering

ok. aku bosan.

aku update byk gile post hr ni..

otak aku mereng
hati aku kering
poket pon kering
kulit pon kering
aku pon kurus kering
(mcm org tak cukup zat)
bangalore ni pon kering
(berbulan2 tak hujan)

btw, bosan gile layout blog nih kan? mcm aku kan?

mls la nak kasi fancy2.. nnt la
otak mereng, idea kering

air mata aku pon dah kering. sbb hr ni aku asyik nanges sbb aku kene severe allergy.. abes satu bdn naik bintat2 mcm kene geget nyamuk.. scary siot. kaki aku bengkak mcm belon tak boleh pijak lantai. merah.gatal. sakit mcm kene cucuk jarum byk2. doktor kata, kalau lepas kene injection still tak ok, masuk wad.. wad? what? no! then Alhamdulillah la ok lepas kene injection, doktor kata boleh blk.. aku mmg mintak nak blk pon.. doktor kata ni boleh kene second strike. so mkn ubat. jgn mkn mcm2 sgt. cube elak bende2 yang mungkin sebabkan allergic tu. aku agak yakin aku allergic dgn perencah nasi goreng adabi yang dalam bentuk paste tu. sbb akak aku penah kene. tapi seri aji punye brand. smlm aku bawak bekal lunch aku msk gune bende alah tu la.

aku rindu mak abah. sweet giler lah mereka. aku call bgtau aku kene gatal2 tu. mak dah cuak like glabah2 (ayat paling top thn 2009 by nisa klukkluk). abah apatah lagi. then after dah balik hospital aku call lg. ckp aku dah ok. aku nanges. mak tawu. then die pass suh ckp ngan abah. tapi aku trdgr mak ckp slow kat abah mase nak pass phone tu "die menangis tu". then abah pon bercakap dengan sweetnya. pujuk2. dan berusaha sedaya upaya untuk buat aku ketawa.honestly, he made lame jokes, still i laughed, sbb kalo abah yang buat lawak, aku tak pernah tak gelak. and just because to reassure him that i am definitely doing fine. aku nak kawen orang mcm abah. walau tak kaya, walau tak belajar tinggi2, walau tak se alim mana, tapi hati baik, penuh kasih syg, sanggup buat apa saja untuk aku and syg aku sgt2.. owh ye, ayah aku hensem. (tapi kalo kaya dan berpendidikan agama yang secukupnya, pon boleh dan lagi bagus) .. aku sayang mak abah jugak. sgt2. (pasal kawen tu, aku berniat untuk kawen lambat. aku ade alasan aku sndiri. lantakla andartu ke hape ke kan. tapi aku terima je la kalo dah smpai waktu. tp tlgla eh kepada peminat2 aku di luar sana, tlg bawak2 bersabar eh, i nak enjoy hidup single puas2, nak jaga my parents dulu and bla3. ok, aku bajet aku ramai peminat. ok aku merepek.)

rindu. ah, lambatnye nak blk. benci. nak exam 2nd IA lagi. benci. aku dah la lost. benci.

ah, ape2 jelah. doakan aku cpt2 sihat boleh tak? aku taknak second strike tu boleh tak? bolehla bolehla~

erm, itulah. aku hanya berserah kepada yang ESA. aku ni insan lemah.. hanya mampu berusaha dan berdoa semampu mungkin..

-aku yang mereng-

i'm a good girl i am~

aku rasa, makin lama english aku makin teruk.. damn!

sebab sangat jarang guna..membaca apatah lagi.. asyik baca buku academic.. bosannnnnnnnnnnnnn~
kalo ckp ngan tempe (org tempatan = org india) bukannye perlu sgt nak gune perkataan yg up2, or gune correct grammar.. simple english as long as diorang paham.. itupon tak paham jugak.. (T_T)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

sampah2..

aku dah la suke jugak bahasa penjajah tu.. bahasa melayu pon aku sayang jugak..

"the rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain"

send me professor Higgins please.

dull

it's been a while since i last updated my blog..

i just cant seem to think of any idea..

nowadays, i tend to keep things in my mind and heart instead of letting it out..

aku malas nak cari pasal.

and that is why i think i'm getting duller day by day..

not so loud as i used to be..

i just don't know why..

don't worry i'm doing fine..

i'm still looking and searching for that "something"..

but i'm still not sure what is that "something"

just keep on looking..

surely i'll find it one day..

i just have to be patience and keep on moving..


adios amigos

why PLASTIC?

reason for me choosing "plastic"

adj.

1. Capable of being shaped or formed: plastic material such as clay. See synonyms at malleable.
2. Relating to or dealing with shaping or modeling: the plastic art of sculpture.
3. Having the qualities of sculpture; well-formed: "the astonishing plastic beauty of the chorus girls" (Frank Harris).
4. Giving form or shape to a substance: the plastic forces that create and wear down a mountain range.
5. Easily influenced; impressionable.
6. Made of a plastic or plastics: a plastic garden hose.
7. Physics. Capable of undergoing continuous deformation without rupture or relaxation.
8. Biology. Capable of building tissue; formative.
9. Marked by artificiality or superficiality; synthetic: a plastic world of fad, hype, and sensation.
10. Informal. Of or obtained by means of credit cards: plastic money.


n.

1. Any of various organic compounds produced by polymerization, capable of being molded, extruded, cast into various shapes and films, or drawn into filaments used as textile fibers.
2. Objects made of plastic.
3. Informal. A credit card or credit cards: would accept cash or plastic in payment.

for further details click here


i just love the characteristic of plastic. i got some of them.

"rumah" baru

assalamualaikum~

so blog, here we are.. at our new house!

happy? i am!

so nothing much.. I'm going to state my purpose of having this blog once again as my very own constant reminder. this is my place to express my feelings and thoughts. and definitely not to impress anyone. again, to express, not impress.

just some random thought in my head..

well in this world, there are many kind of people. yes, scientifically we are all of the same species, homo sapiens. but then, we are different in the way we perceive the world. and that leads to different kind of attitude. agree? and for that reason, conflicts existed. there were times when i get so frustrated why some people cant see things the way i see it,but that's how life works. that's the beauty of life. and the older i get (I'm not that old anyway), the more i can accept it and understand it. still the heartache is there, but i indulge myself in it. but sometimes, the pain is unbearable that i just have to let it out. and thank you to those people who i turned to yang sanggup dgr my caci makian, aduan, rintihan, and last but not least, tangisan huduhku during those down moments, and thank you to you too, blog.

so, my point is that, please accept me for who i am. and here i'm telling you, i'll try my best to accept you as you are (well~ maybe up to some point i will do as i mentioned above, but still, that's my problem for being not strong enough to bear the pain, so just ignore me). you see, i might be, no, i am, different from you in many aspects, but isn't that is good since you will not be boring or feel not special or not unique to have another you in this world? frankly speaking, i never wanted to have another me in this world. first because surely i no longer will be unique or special, but can you stand another me in this world? i think the world had enough. :p

the holiday is over. lectures will resume tomorrow. i really hope that everything will be fine.

i am very grateful with everything i have in my life so far. i truly believe that everything happens for reasons , but on top of all, everything is already written in Lauh Mahfuz by my one and only God, Allah SWT. so i got to do is just have a little faith. but i'm greedy so i'm having a lot of faith. haha~


so later people, i need to go and prepare myself for the upcoming days. to be specific, my so called result. sumpah i cuak. tapi takpe, Allah kan ade.. =)